When Spiritual Seeking Becomes Accepting

I have challenged myself not to continually look for the spirit in things and just go with the flow of life this week.  This challenge is about stopping my reading, listening and watching spiritual teachings over and over.  I have committed to just being in life. I have time and again reset my mind to "This is it!"  What is here in front of me right now is mine to engage in or not...  If I choose not, that is still a choice.  From this practice, I have noticed a few things.  First, many of the emotional issues I thought I had solved through seeking came rushing back at me!  I found myself declaring:  "What the heck was all that seeking for?!"  Then I returned to the moment in a silent place.  This place is peaceful but not neglectful or judgmental.  It merely allowed the emotional response to be what is and then returned to the present frame of life.  The amazing part was it was done without direct effort and making it happen.  I didn't force myself to follow my breath or do any amazing techniques.  It was a soft gentle return with the subtle knowing of what was virtual truth vs where reality is...  Falling into the silence has helped me engage in life from a different place of me.  It's still me, it's just not attached in the same way to outcomes or making things happen in a particular way at a particular time.

The strange thing is that life still happens and moves forward without the weight of how I have to make it happen or move it forward.  Don't misunderstand, it's not like I'm doing nothing.  It's quite the opposite I'm still doing stuff (writing reports, discussing solutions, playing with the kids, disciplining the kids, work etc..).  I'm just not attached emotionally or energetically in ways that cause a great deal of stress.  If I were in the same situation even just a year ago I would have been paralyzed to do anything but make up a lot of drama in my head.  Yet, life feels more in charge and influential then ever.  I am trusting it and experiencing the process of this chapter of my life.  What's next?  I do not know.  Yet if I'm going to think anyway:  "It's going to be amazing..." is what I choose to think.  In the end, it really is all amazing...  even the very idea of critical mind is amazing and bewildering.  Just, Let it be, Let it be...